Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were trust falling into bushes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
