Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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