i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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