i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
