My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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