i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
