she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's like heaven, but drunker
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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