im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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