did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
