i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
