wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
