morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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