Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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