Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
