need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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