In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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