The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Someone came in the potted fern
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
