I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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