life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
