SEEEEXXX PLEASE
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
