Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We need a shit load of segways right now
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
