his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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