My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
