dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
