Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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