I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
