just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
