My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
