hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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