He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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