On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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