no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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