So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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