Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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