So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
