Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
