I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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