The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
