i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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