its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
