you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
