why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
