Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
