butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
