I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
