I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
