Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
