I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
