he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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