I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
