I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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