is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
