my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
