Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
