I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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