dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I understand Curling. That high.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
