she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
