i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
