Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
