this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
