My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
