Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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