Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
