That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
