Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
