3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
