I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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