Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
