Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
