I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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