seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
