i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
