my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
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We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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