Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
