Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
