I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
