i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
