I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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