She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
